Many people know a bit of our history here at Watch the Sky. Because they know a little bit they are a tad bit concerned finding out that I’m pregnant. I appreciate their concern, I really really do. If you don’t know, I dealt with depression quite a bit through my years of child bearing. It wasn’t easy, and with each pregnancy it became worse. It was mostly because of that that we chose not to have any more children. We were done. Enough is enough, ya know?
The last time I had a baby was a long time ago. Almost 6 years actually. Times have changed. Everything is different. God is good! (Do I hear an ‘Amen’ anywhere???!) :) God worked a lot in our hearts and changed us so much that we decided that if God gave us more children we’d be okay with that.
Actually, I said I would be okay with that (with great fear and trepidation), and hubby was totally excited about more babies.
And so we waited. And waited (I was okay with the waiting). I’ve always said that it isn’t the baby that would worry me if I was ever pregnant again, its the possibility of entering that deep dark pit that I knew so well for so many years before. Depression is not fun. No sir. The longer we went the more I thought that either the Lord didn’t want us to have more children because of how it would be for me and my sanity or else, because we had chosen for so long to avoid children, he would give us the desire of our hearts and we would be filled with the fruit of our own fancy (Prov.1:29-32).
Both of those options scared me, but the latter scared me more.
* To be continued….