Mental Health Line

This is something my hubby’s dad showed us way back when. Enjoy.

Hello and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options:

·If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
·If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
·If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
·If you are paranoid, we already know who you are and what you need, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
·If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.
·If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
·If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
·If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969.
·If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep, please wait for the beep.
·If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 9.
·If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 9.
·If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 9.
·If you have low self esteem, please hang up now. Our operators are way too busy to fool with you.